Since I started my new blog, I think this is the 1st time I update tis blog. Well, if you ask me the difference between these two blogs, I can tell you that you hardly find essay form or my daily relevant issue at my secondary blog. Because I want to keep my piece of work there, when I have some ideas or cues for poem or short text, they can be found there.
Seriously, already 1 month never step in. But for the past 1 month I had succeed to accomplish the things and goals I want to achieve. For example, from now on, I draw a line between me and him. The Him that I always mention in the past passages. Because finally I dare to give up, I want to be free and I think it's time for me to get a new life rather than rotting at the one that I couldn't get him at all.
After all, somethings that I couldn't deny was the safety feeling when he was beside me. I know both of us aren't couple, although in everyone's eye we look like couple. But seriously NO. I appreciate what he did for me and I thank him for giving such an impressive and memorable flashback and memories. I know he was my everything but now he is nothing much to me...
But as friend, I sincerely hope that the one he love really will be there for him. I don't hope to see his sad face which I know he will only show it to me among friend.
For the previous moments, I was afraid to let other know that I was in love with him. Of cos with his capability and his sincere, many girls may mad at him. However, if someone ask me about it, I will admit it and it's past tense for me. Many friends ask me before why there are so many universities and I will choose Utar, question also included why I don't want to stay Penang... Below are the answers you all waiting for, I leave my beloved hometown is because of him. I want to give up and I want to run away from the reality for seeing the bees beside him. For whose sake I came here, of cos... him again. But what I wanted to stress here is THAT's PAST TENSE ALREADY!!!
I face the reality here, I came to Kampar, I must try my best to adapt and fit myself into this circle. Although I think my stage currently is remaining at failure stage~_~''' No idea why I keep repeating my mistake, but sometime I know I was too depend on him last time. Too protective...hahaha...
Ok~ share more 2mr
12:45 AM |
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My first post after I had been busy + lazy...
Well, october now... I think I won't update my blog by writing those crap anymore. As I insist to erase and forget everything that have been happened recently.
"Never let someone become your everything, or else once that person gone, you will leave nothing but endless sadness and pain." I came back from Kampar few days already, it is our university's holiday. From 24/9 to 18/10/09, before I come back to Penang. I promise myself, this time I wouldn't be so kind and soft-hearted anymore. I want to abandon the unrequited love away. Since now I think I'm really wake up from the dream and back to reality.
After a long thought, finally I realize it's useless to wait without telling him my feeling, but I didn't intend to tell him anymore. Only solution, drops it and get new one. I don't declare war that I know I will lose in the end. Nothing I can blame about too, it's fate.
I'm trying my best to forget his existence and trying to be independent without him (I know I always asked him to help out when I'm in trouble). But from now-on, I try to settle all of them by myself. Since before I get to know him, I'm live the way like that too. Just because his appearance make me weaken.
For those co-incidences or whatsoever fate that happened, I think that's the challenges given by god to test my ability. I accept this challenges and I'll definitely defeat it...
11:37 PM |
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望着照片里朋友们那幸福灿烂的笑容
心里不禁酸溜溜的
他们欢喜
因为在那一生只有一次的二十一岁生日
他们过得很有意义
那个点燃了的蜡烛
留下的蜡
就像是我泪水
可能对别人而言
是我太执着了
一生人的年龄不会从来
可是我很希望那个最难忘的
是2009年的二十一岁生日
可惜希望换来的是一大堆我吭不下的失望
家人给的失望
朋友们给的没望
他给的绝望
真是够旺咯
好一句“Sorry la I 4gt de ma..."
永远在我人生擦不掉的黑点
永远在我活着时回不来的一天
11:51 PM |
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I didn't update my blog for some time. Partly because I'm quite lazy to update but main reason is I don't really want to remember what was happened this few weeks. Besides, life at Kampar was boring until nothing to write about.
I went back penang for a couple of week. Sometime I feel that I'm so emotional. I don't really know what do I want too... I love him yet I keep wanna give up, and some time I might be wondering is it loving him is just a habit? Want to see him once I get back to Penang is another one? I did many first time(s) after I get to know him. He changed me a lot though...
People quote that "Curious could kill a cat", but I think mine shall be "love can change rational individuals become a "full-jealousy" individuals". Or rather, "Jealousy could kill minds". I just can't help myself when I saw somethings that I wasn't hoping to see. I'm kind of sensitive person and I might be petty too. I hate being ignore and being alone. But it's nothing compare to see you being so kind to another girl. Of cause, I got no authority to criticize about it since I'm not your girl friend. I'm just a normal friend to you. I don't really mind that whether who am I to you too.
Since the day I know his daily life was so busy. I started to worry. I really worry that is he safe every time he drive? and he work until so late every night. Did he able to get enough rest? How did he study and do revision since he can be so tired until fall asleep at lecture class. Worst thing is when the lecturer called his name, he didn't noticed it and continue sleeping. How could he manage to take care his career + his studies + his club activities in the same time? I wrote here is because I can't tell him in real life because the same reason. No authority, and even I tell him about this, nothing change too since I understand he can't abandon anyone of them. What I can do is just keep praying for him...
1 more week to final exam. I haven't fully prepare yet>.<'' I hate exam ='(
8:53 PM |
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